As June winds down...

a reflection post

Dear friend,

As June 2025 winds down, I feel led to post about what I’ve been learning and reflecting on lately. It’s surreal sometimes when I think of how different my life is now. How different I am now. Many do not and will not understand this journey and I’ve learned to be okay with it. The Lord has shown me that He has never left me. He could have left me at the gates of hell, but He chose to save me. That’s just how good He is. I really shouldn’t be here writing to you today. It’s only by the grace of God that I am, and I am determined not to squander this precious gift of life and a second (or 10th or 100th) chance I simply do not deserve.

In July of 2022, my husband and I were blessed with our sweet baby girl & my whole world changed. After experiencing several weeks (and residual months) of postpartum psychosis, health issues (e.g. seizures, heart problems), and extreme torment day and night — I was ultimately saved, delivered, and completely healed by Jesus Christ. The Son of the Living God. God in the flesh.

Let’s backtrack.

During that time, I had to unlearn so much. You really don’t know what it’s like to be in your right mind until you’ve lost your entire mind. Which is what I did. I missed the entire first month of my daughter’s life, because I was a threat to myself and others. I had a brief stay at the psychiatric facility in Glendale. While there and returning back home (first to my mother’s house, as she took care of me while my husband & his mom took care of the baby), I fervently sought the truth because my life and soul depended on it. I didn’t want to believe that Jesus was the ONLY Way. I fought so hard against the reality of hell, even though I was literally at the gates of it. I did not and could not give up. More importantly, He did not give up on me. It took a while, but when I found the Truth - Truth Himself, JESUS CHRIST of the Bible, I was blown away.

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” -John 14:6

I can’t say for sure when He caused me to be born again, born of HIS SPIRIT, but I know that this happened only by the grace of God. Contrary to my deceptive thinking, I had NOT been born again all those years I grew up in the church. I can see now that until this point ~late 2022, I had not truly surrendered my life to Jesus. I might’ve believed in my mind that Jesus was the son of God, but I didn’t truly know or believe in my heart. I was living in darkness & I loved it. I had no desire to know the Living God. See, I had to come to the END of myself, in order to let myself be found by Him. I had to seek Him as how a child does - knowing that I did not even know what I did not know. Knowing that I could not be redeemed by my own human efforts. But I needed to know the Truth. And what He spoke to me so many years prior, I finally lived out. You shall know the Truth, and the Truth shall make you free.

Nowadays, I’m not ashamed because He truly is my Savior and my Lord. He is EVERYTHING. He is who He says He is, and He’s proven it time and time again. He is the One who removed the veil from my eyes and took away the demonic bondage that held me for so many years, unbeknownst to me. It’s not about religion. It’s about JESUS.

Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed. -John 8:36

I finally know what it’s like to walk in the true freedom that Jesus purchased with His blood. And nothing will ever be the same again.

He’s given me a new heart & new desires. The ultimate desire of honoring Him with my life, and participating in His ministry of reconciliation. And I could not be more grateful. He is the One who still welcomed me home with open arms, even thought for so many years I rebelled & loved my sin, taking His grace for granted because I didn’t truly know what it was all about back then. It was Jesus who reached down and pulled me from the literal pit. It was Jesus who advocated for me when demons wanted to take my life and soul. It was Jesus who showed me His heart for me, and His purpose for me. He’s shown me that He is not done with me yet. He gave me the desire to know Him, and lay down my will, for His & I’ve found that being in His will is the only place I want to be. And it is the truth of His word that has dispelled every single lie the enemy has thrown at me. I’ve seen too much, and there’s no turning back for me.

Yes, this is a heavy post. I didn’t know it would be. I originally just wanted to post a playlist of songs that have been resonating with me lately and a couple mini revelations He’s given me during this season. I know this post may cause some to unsubscribe & I’m good with that. I’ve learned that obedience to the Lord may not resonate with many. But He has me writing today for a reason, even if it’s to encourage the one. After all, He is the One who leaves the 99 to go after the 1, as He’s shown me first-hand.

So yeah. I’ve learned that true surrender and being led by the Holy Spirit does not sit well with many because they simply do not understand. It doesn’t make sense to them, and it appears that I’ve gone off the deep end. And maybe I have. But I know that my mind has never been clearer, nor have I perceived the world with so much clarity and truth. Even the Word says that spiritual matters can only be perceived with spiritual eyes & understood by spiritual discernment. I don’t hold it against them. I, too, was in the darkness and didn’t even know how deep it was. It was only the light of Christ that illuminated and exposed all of it. That’s why I speak from the fire. He’s walked me through it, and it is His holy fire that continually refines me.

And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it. -John 1:5

So, that’s pretty much it. I will always speak the truth in love. I will always point people to Jesus, because I see them for the precious souls they are & love them that much. Not with my love, but with His. My life is a testimony that no one is too far gone, and that Jesus desires that no one perish but that ALL may come to true repentance and experience everlasting life found only in Him.

I’ll leave you with what He spoke to me early in my journey with Him, when I was still unsure I was hearing His voice.

I will equip you to tell your story, because ultimately it is My story. See My faithfulness in your life. My ways are higher than your ways. I that began a good work in you will complete it when the time is right. Don't rush the process. Continue to trust in and seek Me. Be humble. This is not of you, this new life is from Me. Teach and train your child in My way. She belongs to Me. I have lent her to you for this time. Love her as how I've loved you.

Help me always remember, Jesus. Help me to see You rightly. Help me represent You well. Thank you for everything, God.

~melody ♡

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